Over the Hill

 Today is my 40th birthday. I know many people dread this milestone, seeing it as almost an official welcome to being "old." No number of "50 is the new 40" articles seem to help. Forty is over the hill and, for some, the other side of the hill is depressing. And I get that. Forty marks starting up your routine maintenance if you haven't already. Colonoscopies, mammograms, and full body skin checks. Oh my! And I think even the healthiest of us have noticed that our bodies are a little creakier and our memory a little worse. We're getting older, no denying that. The 40th birthday just seems to call attention to it in a way the bums folks out.

But for me? I'm elated! I feel like I reached a stretch goal. 

I was 27 when I was diagnosed with cancer. Back then I spent some time thinking about the phrase "over the hill" and how it's synonymous with 40 but really meant to mean that we've lived half our lifespan. If we each get about 80 years, then halfway there is 40 and that's when we cross over the top of the hill. But looking at a cancer diagnosis at 27, and then rediagnosis after rediagnosis, you start to realize that you probably won't get 80 years.

When was my over the hill moment, I wondered? It was possible back then that I'd been over the hill at 13. Could I really have lived half of my entire life before I'd had my first kiss? Before I could drive? Before I graduated high school? I felt so robbed. People were getting sad about turning 40, but what if I never got to?

My deepest wish for my lifespan was to get to see Brynn graduate high school. I figured anything after that was gravy. Don't get me wrong. I want LOTS of gravy. But I *needed* to make it until Brynn was a legal adult and there wouldn't be a custody struggle and I *wanted* to see her graduate. We fought a lot of tough battles to get there, but I made it. After graduation each new thing has seemed like a gift. Dropping Brynn off at college. Even navigating this pandemic. And now, turning 40.

I did it. I got old. (Though we all know we're way better at life at 40 than we were when we were in our 20s and just doing the fake-it-til-you-make-it routine). Now I want my hair to get greys so I can dye them lilac. I already crochet and have osteoporosis, so I have some of my "old" bases covered. Senior discounts are still firmly out of reach, but maybe that can be my next stretch goal. Until then I'm going to work puzzles, and crochet hats, and watch my programs. 

In the mean time, I want to encourage everyone who's read this far to write out a will. That's right, get yourself something for my birthday. We all hope we'll live a long and relatively healthy life, but the truth of the matter is that some of us are already over the hill... we just don't know it yet. A will is so important (and power of attorney documents are smart too). I think we all have a tendency to think, "Oh yeah, I need to get around to doing that." But this is your sign. Quit procrastinating. You can go formal and get a lawyer. You can DIY it and get books from the library. You can write something out on college ruled notebook paper and take it to your bank to be notarized (for free!). But please PLEASE write out something and let people know where it'll be. Each of us is travelling a different hill, and we need to be prepared if the top of the hill was way sooner than we thought. 

(Sorry to end on sort of a low note, but trust me, it's a gift to your friends and family if you have a will. I love birthdays and gifts, so it all ties together).