Addendum: The Elementary Dating Scale

While riding in the car today I revisited the subject of the levels of a relationship with Brynn (see the post prior to this one for the original story). This was a mistake in that I was driving and so had to remain facing forward (in other words, I couldn't look away and laugh). Honestly, try to imagine yourself hearing a 10 year old explain this to you in all seriousness, and try not to chuckle...

Level 1: "He asks you out."
Level 2: "You do stuff together. You know like hang out and go do things."
Level 3: "Kissing on the lips."
Level 4: "Getting married."
Level 5: "Having sex."
Level 6: "Having a family together."

So the next time you feel like you're in a relationship that's stalled out, just know it's probably because you've been trapped at a 3.5 for ages.

Here's a handy pocket guide I made up for you:

"He already tried to take it to a number three," or Lessons in Elementary Dating

Don't let the title fool you, I'm not taking a dating 101 class. I'm talking about dating at the elementary school level. Brynn has never not been into boys. To be fair, she might get that from me. Regardless, there's never been a moment in her life where boys were repulsive or had cooties.

Recently Brynn decided to finally accept the overtures of a certain boy who has been pursuing her for two years now. That's right folks, at 10 years old. He'll have long conversations on the phone with her. He's taken her to the movies (with his family of course). He even invited her to a fireworks extravaganza in his backyard (put on by Rozzis!). Brynn's been stubborn but he's been patient. She finally relented a couple weeks ago though.

Brynn prefers a several page manifesto when confessing crushes.

So tonight, when she announced to me that she thinks she's going to break up with this boy, my heart went out to him a little bit. He's tried SO hard. But I know it's Brynn's decision. I wanted to encourage her to be fair to him though and not hurt his feelings. I warned her to be careful not to lose a friend.

Her retort caught me off guard. By way of defending her decision she told me, "He's already tried to take it to number three." For a moment I got a lump in my throat and a wave of panic swept over me. What in the world was "number three"? I remembered my "bases" from late middle and early high school, but surely no. Not in elementary school. Thankfully when I asked, Brynn explained (in her most you're-so-out-of-touch tone) that three is kissing on the lips. And she (supposedly) told him no.

The whole episode has left me wondering...what's a one and a two? Hand-holding? Declaring yourselves boyfriend and girlfriend? Exchanging friendship bracelets? Also, how high does this numbering system go? By the end of high school my friends and I had imagined the baseball metaphor to its breaking point (not that we made use of all the imagined designations mind you). Is the elementary school system just a ladder with some undefined endpoint and uncertain number of levels? Or is there only, say, a four and a five (whatever those might be)? I'll have to find out more tomorrow, perhaps over an afternoon hot chocolate. In the meantime I'm going to leave Brynn to handle her love life as she sees fit...with a little motherly advice sprinkled here and there as we go.

My $15,000+ Day... or Treatment Day 1

Yesterday was my first day of treatment. Everything went smoothly. Brynn arrived for her first day of school on time and without a hitch. I made it to my appointment almost on time. Despite having a minor infection we were still able to proceed with the first round of Adcetris.

The treatment itself started with pre-meds. Tylenol, Benadryl (to prevent an allergic reaction), a light steroid, and anti-nausea medication. The Benadryl knocked me out almost immediately. I fought my falling eyelids as hard as I could, but eventually had to tell my friend (who drove me to and from my appointment) that I was going to have to nap.

I did wake up long enough to joke with my nurse about giving me my new car. Unfortunately I wasn't really getting a new vehicle, just its cost equivalent in medication. It turns out that each of my treatments require 3 vials of Adcetris, and each vial markets for about $5,000. That means when he brought this tiny little bag in and plugged it into my IV, I began the process of absorbing $15,000 into my system.

Too bad it doesn't have a street value.

I can't complain though. It's been over 24 hours and I'm not experiencing any side effects. I did sleep for several hours yesterday, but that was just to wear off the Benadryl. I'm not nauseous, I don't feel cruddy, I'm still eating whatever I want. Actually, I feel pretty normal. We'll see over the next few days, but I'm feeling good about how my body is handling it so far.